Two trucks and a teacup

"Dare to love and to be a real friend. The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as those whom God has given you to love." -Henri Nouwen

i know that being able to count true friends (friends who love you despite truly knowing YOU "warts and all") on one hand is an amazing gift. if I'm being honest i must say that i find it really hard to be vulnerable, to really "let people in" because I have a great fear of rejection. what if i say or do the wrong thing? and i can fill in the blank with tons of "what ifs". consequently i have not known many people well nor have many people known me well. i also have difficulty with surface bologna and do desire to be in relationships that run deeper, but again the fear creeps in and often i sacrifice potential friendships for fear of not being accepted. one great blessing that has come from having children has been the instant connection with other moms and for that i am grateful. "birds of a feather flock together" and i am so thankful in particular for two precious friends and wonderful moms that i have been gifted with during this season of our lives. and this post is really all about one of those dear friends whose current life situation is causing my heart to break.

sarah is one those people who you just fall in love with seconds after you meet her. the kind of person  you feel like you've known your entire life after one day. she is genuine. she is caring and thoughtful. she is funny and laid back. an awesome cook. a wonderful wife and mother. she is the one you would pick first to be on your kickball team and not necessarily becasue of her skills but because you just want to be near her. she is a dear friend. and right now she is hurting so badly and i feel helpless to help!

sarah knows loss. she lost her dad to leukemia ten years ago and almost two years ago she lost her third born, a precious baby boy named ryan who died four short days after he was born because of a an incompetent drs mistake. and today she sits beside her sweet husband as he begins chemo treatment to battle aggressive lymphoma. they will fight this together every step of the way. i want to tell her everything is going to be okay. how can i do that? they know suffering and death in a way that i cannot fathom. and so i pray. and i am here and available to do whatever they need. i love them. and that is all i can do. and my heart breaks.

i want to share an excerpt from the mooney family blog that i find particularly cogent to our sweet friend's current situation. if you don't know their story i suggest you check it out at http://www.theatypicallife.com/.

"Of course, there is ever present in the recesses of our minds, and more so, our hearts, the feeling that, eventually, something is going to go wrong. It is the nagging guest that will not leave- the one on the couch that you wish wasn’t there, and you had hoped that if you did not acknowledge his presence, he would just go away.



But he doesn’t.


And I’m sure there are some who would write this off as a lack of faith or pessimism, and it is quite possible that there was a time when I could be counted among their fold. Although, I am ever certain my faith needs work, I am just as sure that this is not the entirety of the issue.


It is just that experience can never be discounted. What one has walked through with his own two feet will always be a louder voice than the preacher or the self-help book or the bumper sticker. Because once you have walked through it, you know. And until then, you can only look to those who have.


The only statistic that matters to us, is the one whereby I have one child in bed tonight and one no longer on this earth.


I know loss. I know it happens. I know we are not safe. We do not deserve everything to be fine this go around, nor can you assure us it will be. I have walked in suffering, and it was a teacher I cannot mute.


With such disposition, we stand waiting on this baby.


And yet there is more.


Because this harsh reality ushered more lessons of experience as well.


He is good no matter what comes.


One is in bed, but for two He was faithful."

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God..."-Deuteronomy 29:29

of course it is impossible in our human nature to not ask "why?", but really the question is "why not?" Jesus suffered death that we might have life and the harsh reality is that we too will suffer. some will suffer more than others. there are so many questions that we will not have answers to this side of Heaven. i pray i will be the kind of friend that is available and that loves even when i have no idea what to do or say, eventhough i can't promise everything will be okay and that life will get better. i pray that God will give me the grace and that i will have the guts to "dare to love [truly love as Jesus intended] and to be a real friend."